You know that moment when you smile even though you’re tired, say “it’s fine” when it isn’t, or hold your breath so no one feels uncomfortable? That’s people-pleasing. It looks kind, cooperative, mature – but it’s really self-abandonment dressed as love.
Most of us learned it early. We discovered that peace came from being easy, from not taking up space. We were rewarded for adapting – not for being authentic. And so we became the reliable one, the understanding one, the one who never asks for too much.
But people-pleasing is a slow leak. Every “yes” that meant “no” drains you a little more until you can’t tell what you actually want anymore.
The truth is – people-pleasing isn’t about generosity. It’s about safety. It’s the nervous system’s way of saying: if everyone around me is okay, maybe I’ll be safe too.
That’s why breaking it isn’t just mindset work. It’s nervous-system work, belief work, and boundary work all at once.
There comes a day – sometimes quietly, sometimes explosively – when you realize you’re done. You can’t keep managing everyone else’s feelings while ignoring your own. You can’t be the peacekeeper and still have peace.
The shift starts with one small, sacred decision: choose yourself. Not in a selfish way – in a self-honoring way.
Start by asking:
- What am I saying yes to that I don’t mean?
- Where do I shrink so someone else can feel comfortable?
- What would happen if I didn’t rescue, explain, or over-apologize?
At first, it feels wrong – like you’re breaking a lifelong rule. But then you realize you’re not being mean, you’re being real. And real is what creates genuine connection, not performance.
This is the work I do with clients – helping them find their real “yes” again, the one that feels aligned, free, and guilt-less.
If this speaks to you, explore The Authentic You Journey – a 1:1 experience to release the old story of people-pleasing and remember who you were before you started apologizing for existing.
If this touched something in you and you’re ready to break the pattern instead of just understanding it…
https://scheduler.zoom.us/kitty/consultation-call and let’s find what’s truly right for you. Discover more here https://coachkitty.nl/no-more-people-pleasing/
