Some days it feels like the smallest thing hits you in the chest. A short message. A delayed reply. A tone in someone’s voice. A moment in intimacy when your body reacts before your mind even understands why.
Most people treat these reactions as random, as if they come from nowhere. But they never do. Your body is simply faster than your thoughts. Much faster.
When a reaction feels big, it is usually an old moment waking up inside you. Not in a dramatic way, but in a real physiological way. Your nervous system works like a memory library. It stores the experiences that felt unsafe, overwhelming, or confusing, and when something today looks or feels similar, your whole system lights up. Even if the situation is harmless.
Think of it as your body saying: I have felt this before. I am not taking chances again.
This is why a small comment can feel like rejection. Why silence can feel like danger. Why a partner’s mood can create panic even when nothing is actually wrong. Why certain intimate moments feel intense, not because of what is happening now, but because they echo something from before.
The good news is that you can calm it fast, and you can train your system to respond differently.
Practical steps
- Notice what your body does:
Do your shoulders lift?
Does your stomach tighten?
Do you feel heat, pressure, or a sudden drop? Naming the sensation already lowers the emotional charge. - Remind yourself that this belongs to another time. Say to yourself:
This feeling is old. I am here now. It pulls you back into the present moment instead of staying in the old memory loop. - Slow your breathing:
Inhale through your nose for four seconds. Hold for one. Exhale slowly for six. This signals safety in your nervous system. - Ask a simple question:
What does my body think is happening right now? It helps your system reveal what it is reacting to. - Choose your next move consciously:
Instead of reacting from the old pattern, you respond from the present. This is where the real shift happens.
In RTT this is exactly what we work on. We go back to the root of the reaction, not to relive it, but to understand why it formed in the first place. When the belief behind the reaction transforms, the emotional charge fades. You stop being controlled by the old emotion and start responding from who you are today.
Small reactions stop feeling big when the old story is no longer running the show.
To dive deeper into this topic, you can explore more insights on https://coachkitty.nl where I share practical tools for emotional clarity. For an external perspective, Psychology Today has a strong article on how past experiences shape present reactions, offering a broader scientific view that complements this week’s blog.
